Feelings are an essential part of what makes us human. From
joy and love to sadness and frustration, emotions shape our experiences,
influence our decisions, and impact the way we relate to others. Feelings are
our mind and body’s way of responding to experiences, thoughts, and memories.
These emotional responses—whether they manifest as happiness, sadness, anger,
or anxiety—are central to our overall mental health and wellness.
Yet so many of us do not want to feel our feelings,
particularly those associated with sadness, anger or anxiety. It’s
uncomfortable. It’s unpleasant. In fact, we may do anything to not think
or feel about certain things, particularly for those things that cause a tidal
wave of emotions so dark and scary that it seems like they could bury us alive.
Instead, we repress or try talking ourselves out of the feelings or worse yet,
numb those feelings. The problem is, when we push down our emotions long
enough, they come back with a vengeance. And when we seek to numb them with
codependency, drugs, alcohol, sex, food or gambling, we exponentially compound
the unhealthy results. We need to feel the feelings and let them go to deal
with them in a healthy way.
Even negative emotions matter. They’ve helped us survive as
a species by focusing our attention on danger and readying the body for a
response. Fear urges us to fight or flee, anger tells us to confront, and guilt
can teach us to learn from our mistakes. Do not confuse guilt with shame
however. Shame lies to us with a message that we are a mistake, as opposed to
guilt which helps us recognize when we engaged in a behavior that was a
mistake.
Three components of emotions:
- Subjective component: This is how I experience the emotion and is often based prior personal experiences and influenced by my thoughts, memories, and beliefs, leading to feelings and may differ from others in similar situations. Fear, for example, increases the perception of risk and is often tied to the past.
- Physiological component: This is how my body reacts to the emotion and includes changes in heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension, which are regulated by the autonomic nervous system. For example, fear can cause your heart to race and your muscles to tense up, preparing your body for a "fight or flight" response.
- Expressive component: This is how I behave in response. It includes components such as facial expressions, body language and vocal tone, which communicate how we feel to others. These expressions can also influence our behavior, prompting actions like smiling when happy or withdrawing when sad. Feeling joy or anger can prompt us to leap into action. Expressing an emotion doesn't have to be something outward like slamming a door, yelling into a pillow or even telling someone about it. It can happen entirely in our minds, too. We can say to ourselves, "I'm really mad because…"
Feeling our emotions is crucial because it helps us
understand ourselves better and to connect with others. Feelings help guide our
decisions, behaviors, and motivations. Emotions can help us learn about
ourselves. Emotions can help us relieve stress. Emotions can help us make
good decisions. Emotions can help us connect with others.
Cultivating and embracing healthy practice of emotions
- Name
the emotion (see 8 Core Feelings Table at the end of this article).
Take time to identify and label your emotions. Sometimes, we may struggle
to articulate what we're feeling. Practice labeling your emotions without
judgment—whether it's happiness, sadness, anger, or any combination.
- Practice
mindfulness. Engage in mindfulness exercises to increase your awareness of
the present moment and your body. Mindfulness allows you to observe your
thoughts and emotions without judgment, creating a space for a deeper
understanding of your feelings.
- Don’t
sweep your emotions under the rug. Be mindful of the tendency to suppress
or ignore your emotions. While distraction can be useful in certain
situations, constant avoidance may lead to a "boomerang" effect,
where emotions resurface later, often stronger. It’s important to find a
balance between distraction and acknowledgment, followed by healthy
processing of emotions.
- Build
new beliefs about emotions. Many of us have been taught that emotions are
at least somewhat bad/unhelpful and make us weak. But all emotions, even
the uncomfortable ones, are a natural part of the human experience. When
we build new beliefs about emotions and see them as a useful part of life,
this can make it easier to embrace them more fully.
- Engage
in physical activity and creative outlets. Exercise or any physical
activity, even walking is beneficial. Explore creative activities, such as
art, music, or dance, as a means of expressing your emotions nonverbally.
These outlets provide a unique space for emotional release and can be a
therapeutic way to process complex feelings.
- Seek
support. Explore support from recovery communities, such as CoDA as well
as a mental health professional if you don’t feel like you’re making the
progress you want from going at it alone or with non-professional support.
Therapy provides a structured and confidential space for exploring your
feelings with professional, structured guidance.
- Celebrate
your small wins. Acknowledge and celebrate small victories in expressing
your emotions. Whether it's a candid conversation with a friend or
successfully navigating a challenging emotional moment, recognizing your
progress can be motivating.
- Affirmations:
I am confident. I am successful. I am strong. These phrases are examples
of positive affirmations: statements that people repeat to themselves with
the goal of improving their mood and boosting self-esteem. Just remember
to be mindful to not use affirmations to deny or discount your
emotions!
When we listen to the messages and wisdom of our emotions,
we offer ourselves a gift. Through noticing, naming, and responding to the
sensations in our bodies, we allow our emotions to undergo healthy processes,
rather than keeping them stuck and festering inside. Feeling and processing
emotions is vital for mental, emotional, and physical health. Embracing our
feelings leads to a more meaningful and connected life. Understanding and
processing emotions is a skill we can learn at any age and it's never too late.
So the next time you're feeling a strong emotion about something, either alone
or with a safe person, resist the urge to bottle it up and instead acknowledge
and examine your feelings. Over time, this can make it easier to identify the
emotions and process them in a healthy way.
Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it,
YOU’RE WORTH IT!
Adopted and adapted from a series of articles:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-now/202108/why-paying-attention-to-emotions-matters
https://psychcentral.com/lib/why-are-feelings-important
https://www.verywellmind.com/the-purpose-of-emotions-2795181
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feel-better/202402/the-case-for-embracing-our-emotions
8 - Core Feelings Table
