“I’m not in this world to live up to your
expectations, and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
— Bruce Lee
The biggest and most draining disappointments in our daily
lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. This is especially true
when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others. So don’t lower
your standards, but do remember that removing your expectations of others is
the best way to avoid being utterly disappointed and drained by them.
Which means, it’s time to…
1. Stop expecting everyone to agree with you
You deserve to find joy and peace in your own way. You
deserve to live a life you are in flow with. Don’t let the opinions of others
make you forget that. You are not in this world to live up to the expectations
of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In
fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less constant
approval you need from everyone else.
You have to dare to be yourself and follow your own
intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. And
don’t compare yourself to others — don’t get discouraged by their progress or
success. Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is
ultimately about spending your life in your own way.
2. Stop expecting people to show you more respect than the
amount you show to yourself.
True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.
It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon
it consistently. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love,
respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself on a daily basis.
Look at yourself in the mirror today and say, “I respect
you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” Yes, it’s important to be nice
to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you
practice self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to grow. When you are
growing, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better
YOU.
3. Stop expecting everyone to like you
You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you
are priceless to another. So never forget your worth! No matter how good you
are to people, there will always be a negative person who criticizes you.
Smile, ignore their rudeness, and carry on. Spend time with those who value you
instead.
Truth be told, in this over-connected world that’s trying to
make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll have to fight on the
average day is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back not
everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because you’re
“different,” but that’s their own insecurity. The things that make you
different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you for
it in the long run.
4. Stop expecting people to perfectly align with your idea
of who they are
Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be
themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin
to appreciate them for who they truly are. So, pay close attention, and respect
people for their uniqueness and not for who you want them to be.
We simply don’t know most people half as well as we believe
we do, and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful.
Every human being is remarkable and beautiful in some way; it just takes a
patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you
will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they
truly are. (Read “The Mastery of Love”.)
5. Stop expecting everyone to know what you’re thinking
People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel
unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, they don’t know you’re hoping for a
promotion because you haven’t told them yet. That cute person you haven’t
talked to because you’re shy? Yeah, you guessed it, they haven’t given
you the time of day simply because you haven’t given them any sign of interest
either.
In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and
effectively. And oftentimes you have to open your vocal cords and speak the
first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking if you want a
meaningful engagement.
6. Stop expecting the seemingly strong people you know to be
perfectly “OK”
Everyone you know is fighting some kind of battle, just like
you. Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as
complex and extraordinary as your own. So be a part of someone’s growth without
having that “I’m in a hurry” attitude. What goes around comes around. You can
always be kinder than necessary.
Also remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean
ignoring your dark. We are often measured by our ability to overcome
adversities and insecurities, not avoid them. Thus, leveraging honesty and
transparency as it relates to your struggles, to support, share, and make
contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. This happens
naturally if we allow it, because we all share very similar doubts, needs, and
struggles. And once we accept this, the world then becomes a place where we can
look someone else in the eyes and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,”
and they can nod back and say, “I know exactly what you mean. You aren’t
alone.”
7. Stop expecting the people you care about to suddenly
change
If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has
that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need
them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table
(gracefully) so this person knows how you feel. That does not mean that they
will change.
For the most part though, you can’t change people and you
shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to give yourself
more time away from them. It might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to
change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change
them — when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are —
they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is
the way you see them.
Honor your boundaries as you ease your expectations.
As you’re diligently working on keeping your expectations in
check, it’s also important to maintain healthy and reasonable boundaries.
Because inevitably you’re going to run into someone who discredits you,
disrespects you, or treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all. The key is
to not consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval, and
to not leave any space in your heart to hate them. Simply give yourself some
healthy space.
Remember that distancing yourself from people who give you
negative vibes or unhealthy energy is self-care. Stepping back from situations
where you feel unappreciated or disrespected is self-care. Choose to honor your
boundaries, respectfully.
Also, practice becoming more aware of your needs, especially
as it relates to your expectations. Note the times and circumstances when
you’re resentful of fulfilling someone else’s needs or when you build
expectations that because you did something for someone, that they should do
something for you in return. Gradually build healthy boundaries by saying no to
gratuitous requests that cause resentment in you. Of course, this may be
hard at first because it may feel a bit selfish. But if you’ve ever flown on a
plane, you know that flight attendants instruct passengers to put on their own
oxygen masks before tending to others, even their own children. Why? Because
you can’t help others if you’re incapacitated.
In the long run, proactively establishing and enforcing
healthy and reasonable boundaries will be one of the most charitable things you
can do for yourself and those you care about. These boundaries will foster and
preserve the best of you — the most grounded and capable version of you — so
you can share the best of yourself with the people who matter most to you.
Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so WORK IT,
YOU’RE WORTH IT.
Abbreviated and adapted from an article by Marc
Chernoff
https://www.marcandangel.com/2025/01/14/7-things-you-should-stop-expecting-from-others/#more-675