To help someone going through a crisis

Mental health disorders are common in the United States, affecting tens of millions of Americans each year. Some indicators of mental health crises include withdrawal from previously routine interactions with others, declines in work or school performance, pronounced changes in behavior such as increased irritability, anger, anxiety, sadness, isolation, eating disorders, lack of self-care, alcohol / substance abuse, sexually acting out, self-injury, thoughts of harming oneself or others or any other uncharacteristic behavior patterns.

When someone you care about is struggling emotionally, it can be hard to know what to say. Our natural instinct is often to help in any way we can. However, knowing what to do and what not to do, can mean the difference between providing meaningful support versus inadvertently causing additional distress or codependency on either person. Helping requires more than good intentions. It demands a thorough understanding of the current situation, specific skills, knowledge of available resources, and an understanding of how to maintain healthy boundaries while providing compassionate care.

1. Lend an Ear

If you suspect your loved one is experiencing a mental health crisis, reaching out is the first step to providing the help he or she needs to get better. Sit down to talk in a supportive, non-judgmental way. You might start the conversation with a casual invitation: "Let's talk. You don't seem like yourself lately. Is there something going on?"

2. Hold off on offering a solution

It can be kind of humiliating if someone brings their problem to you and you just solve it right away. Because, basically, the underlying message of that is, what are you so upset about? Like, it's not that hard to figure this out. Even absent that humiliation or shame, it also builds or reinforces a codependency model. Involve the person in crisis in searching for a solution. Let them have ownership in that solution.

3. Encourage them to share more / Practice emotional hospitality

Start with reflective listening statements to help demonstrate understanding without judgment:

“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by everything happening right now.”
“I hear that you’re struggling with feeling hopeful about the future.”
“What I’m understanding is that you feel like nobody really gets what you’re going through.”
“It seems like these thoughts are really frightening and hard to manage.”

Use open-ended questions to encourage elaboration while letting the person maintain a sense of control:

“Can you help me understand what this experience is like for you?”
“What has been most difficult about this situation?”
“What kinds of things have helped you cope with difficult times before?”
“How can I best support you right now?”

Don't pressure yourself to say just the right thing when someone is unburdening their pain. Instead, by practicing emotional hospitality, you help create a safe and comforting environment with your presence, inviting the other person to open up: "Tell me what’s going on. I'm here. Tell me more."

4. Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Caregiver boundaries protect both your well-being and the quality of support you can provide. Healthy boundaries don’t mean caring less—they mean caring in sustainable ways that preserve your ability to help over time.

Essential boundary considerations:

You cannot control another person’s mental health or recovery process or behavior.
Your own mental health also requires attention and professional support when needed.
Saying “no” to unreasonable requests doesn’t make you uncaring.
Self-care! Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then you can help others.
Taking breaks from caregiving responsibilities is critically necessary and healthy

5. Seek Professional Help

Reaching out can help your friend or family member begin to get a handle on an emotional crisis. But professional help is the best way to fully address any serious underlying mental health problem and get serious problems under control.

If you discover or suspect that your loved one is dwelling on thoughts of self-harm, or developing a plan, don’t wait to intervene. Those situations are an emergency. If you think someone is suicidal or may harm someone else, do not leave them alone. If they will not seek help, eliminate access to firearms or other potential tools for harm to self or others, including unsupervised access to medications. If the situation feels particularly escalated, call 911.

It can be intimidating talking to someone who is going through a mental health crisis. Sometimes all a person needs in that situation is one person being there, helping them access the help they need. Sometimes they need more. Knowing what’s helpful and what’s not, is the first part. Remember to take care of yourself.

Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so work it, YOU’RE WORTH IT!

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