Living in the modern world can often feel like an endless
cycle of stress, unhealthy habits, and exposure to toxic relationships. One of
the most important things we can do to stay healthy is to prioritize healthy
behaviors. In addition to a healthy diet and exercise, it is also important to
prioritize self-care and stress management. Taking time to relax and recharge
can help to reduce the negative effects of stress on the body and mind. Simple
self-care practices can make a big difference in our overall health and
well-being.
Great. Sounds simple enough in theory but what if I can’t
immediately leave the current stress or toxic environment? Often, a person
needs to actually get better first in order to get out of their current
environment. How can we begin to improve ourselves or our immediate situation while
we are still in that situation? The important exception to note here
is that does not mean we stay in a physically or emotionally abusive
environment. Those situations require an immediate exit. That said, the
concepts of "trapped" and "stuck" are open to
interpretation and include real factors such as "not enough outlets"
or "not enough support."
Let’s take a look at some relationship behaviors which are not
toxic but, in our culture are sometimes viewed as less-than-admirable, when
they in fact are characteristics of a healthy relationship. Researcher John
Gottmann offers the following coaching:
- Letting
some conflicts go unresolved: The idea that relationships must communicate
and resolve all of their problems is a myth. Successful
relationships accept and understand that some conflict is inevitable, that
there will always be certain things we don’t agree about. You shouldn’t
need to feel the need to change in order to love or be loved.
- Being
honest even if sometimes feeling get hurt: When our highest priority is to
always make only ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel
good, then more often than not nobody ends up feeling good. Honest,
two-way conversations should not be had in anger, but they are crucial if
we want to maintain a healthy relationship, one that meets both people’s
needs.
- Being
willing to end it: Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. It’s
this kind of irrational idealization that leads people to stay in
relationships with people who treat them poorly, to give up on their own
needs and identities, to make themselves into martyrs who are perpetually
miserable, to suppress their own pain and suffering in the name of
maintaining a relationship. The willingness to end an unhealthy
relationship is a necessary boundary.
- Feeling
an attraction for people outside the relationship: As human beings, we’re
capable of finding multiple people attractive and interesting at the same
time, it’s a biological inevitability. What isn’t an inevitability is our
decision to act on the attraction or not. It’s healthier to allow oneself
to experience these feelings and then let them go. When you
suppress these feelings, you give them a growing power over you and often
unknowingly let them decide your behavior. People who suppress these urges
are often the ones who project them onto their partner and become
blindingly insecure, attempting to control their partner’s every thought,
and move. We can’t control anyone’s thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.
What we can control are our own actions.
- Spending
time apart or doing different things: It’s important to occasionally get
some distance from your partner, assert your independence, maintain some
hobbies or interests that are yours alone. Have some separate friends;
take an occasional trip somewhere by yourself; remember what made you and
what drew you to your partner in the first place. Without this oxygen to
breathe, the fire between the two of you will die out and what were once
sparks will become only friction.
- Accepting
your and another person’s flaws: Every person has flaws and imperfections.
You can’t force a person to change. It may be our perfections that attract
one another in the first place. But it’s our imperfections that
decide whether or not we stay together in any relationship.
Researchers led by Dr. Wiebke Bleidorn, published the
results of their 2020 study finding several personality traits that increased
the likelihood of describing a psychologically “healthy” individuals. The top 5
traits were: gratitude / openness to feelings, warmth, positive emotions,
straightforwardness and competence in self-care / managing stress. Conversely,
5 traits associated with psychological UN- healthiness include: hostility,
depressiveness, anxiousness, impulsivity / compulsivity, and self-consciousness.
It's not just psychological health: Getting and staying
healthy involves adopting a holistic wellness approach that integrates various
dimensions of health to achieve overall well-being. By focusing on emotional,
physical, intellectual, and other wellness characteristics, you foster a
balanced lifestyle. Activities and practices which include tangible benefits,
and that you can start immediately, include:
- Self-care
with regular physical activity, a balanced diet, healthy hydration, and
adequate sleep.
- Practices
like meditation, gratitude, journaling, forgiveness, setting boundaries,
support groups (CoDA, for example) or professional mental health therapy,
aid in supporting emotional stability and resilience to stress.
- Pro-social
behaviors, such as volunteering and participation in social
activities.
|
Mental
Well-Being Trait |
Associated
Benefits |
Percentage
Improvement |
|
Daily
Gratitude |
Increase
in overall well-being and life satisfaction |
25% |
|
Anticipating
Future Positive Experiences |
Reduction
in anxiety levels |
30% |
|
Letting
Go of Grudges |
Decrease
in sadness and loneliness |
40%-45% |
|
Walking
in Nature |
Improvement
in mental resilience |
20% |
|
Persistence
During Adversity |
Increased
goal achievement |
35% |
|
Acts of
Helping Others |
Improved
mental health and sense of purpose |
50% |
|
Self-Care
Practices |
Increase
in emotional well-being and relationship satisfaction |
30% |
|
Healthy
Boundaries |
Reduction
in stress levels |
25% |
|
Avoiding
Social Comparison |
Improvement
in self-esteem and life satisfaction |
40% |
|
Genuine
Happiness for Others |
Enhancement
in positive emotional experiences |
30% |
Lifestyle choices that are within our control influence
sixty percent of our health outcomes, highlighting the significance of both
physical health indicators and mental well-being traits.
The integration of balanced diet, regular physical activity,
and adequate sleep builds a solid foundation for physical health. Equally,
emotional stability, resilience to stress, and maintaining a positive outlook
are pivotal mental well-being traits. A holistic wellness approach that
combines these elements offers a comprehensive strategy for achieving optimal
health. You CAN do this. Start with one or two healthy items and practice them
until they become part of your routine, then you build more for yourself as you
are ready.
Keep coming back. It works if you work it, so WORK IT,
YOU’RE WORTH IT!
Adopted and adapted from:
https://drprem.com/guide/staying-healthy-in-an-unhealthy-world/
https://markmanson.net/healthy-relationship-habits
https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2019-00289-001