“If you live in fear of the future because of what happened in your past,
you’ll end up losing what you have in the present.”
-Nishan Panwar
Sometimes you wake up and you feel excited to be alive. You can feel all the good things ahead of you, things you can’t wait to experience. We wish that this were how we felt every day. But the reality is that it isn’t how we feel every day. Sometime you may even feel doom. You perceive only bad things ahead of you, things you are desperate not to experience. When you think of the life ahead of you, your heart closes. You feel terror.
The more objective truth of this universe is that time does not exist; that is to say it is not linear. All timelines (past, present and future) exist simultaneously; like a vibrational soup. And so, from that perspective it is true to say that the only thing that exists is… now. The minute we conceptualize of past, present and future, we are looking through the perspective of linear time. When we look at time in this way, it is easy to think that we have no capacity to change the past or that the future is decided, like fate.
Have mercy on yourself. People don’t just fear the future for no reason. Your fears of the future are actually fears of the past. There is a reason that a baby does not feel fear in airplane turbulence or fear about falling down stairs. It is because the baby has never experienced a trauma that causes those fears. Think about your own life. You didn’t fear romantic relationships until your first one ended painfully.
People who fear the future, do so because they have experienced something painful, often recently, that makes them believe that the future will either be the same or worse instead of better. So, the first step is to address that pain. Not the pain about the future, but the pain about what happened in the past that is seeming to color your future black.
Feeling trapped between dwelling on the past and fearing the future is a common experience and can stem from various factors, including anxiety, unresolved issues, past experiences (especially traumatic or negative ones), perfectionism, focusing on what happened in the past (instead of the present moment). It easily progresses to depression and in untreated serious instances creates fertile ground for self-harm.
When we fear the future, it means we are projecting too far out ahead of ourselves. If you are the kind of person who is prone to worry, you try to prevent pain by trying to figure everything out way in advance. The problem with this is that you can’t possibly see or know all of the things in the future. When we fear the future, we try to jump ahead of ourselves by trying to assemble a puzzle as fast as we can when the universe hasn’t brought us the puzzle pieces necessary to do that. This is why we often feel so powerless from where we are. We project ourselves into what needs to happen, but can’t figure out how because those puzzle pieces that spell out the how, have not yet arrived.
We cannot rush that process. From right here and now, what can you think, say or do that feels just a little bit better? Do only what you can, with what you have, from where you are. Start with basic self-care. Drink water. Eat healthy food. Shower. Sleep. Do laundry. And that is enough to start.
Next, include opening your day with some meditations and positive reflections. It doesn’t have to be long but even if it’s only for a few minutes, do it daily. Close your day in a similar manner, reflecting on what went well, even if it was just accomplishing some of those self-care tasks. You can add to that tomorrow or the next day. If you owe an amends to someone, send it out via the Universe or reach out to that person after morning meditations. Repeat; Repeat; Repeat!
Do a self-visualization of the future. The fear you have about the future is a reaction to an image you have in your head, of what a positive future will look like in two years.
Acknowledge that you do not actually know what is going to happen. You cannot say that you know 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt that something bad will happen. And more than that, you cannot know that if something bad happens, it isn’t in fact a blessing in disguise. Then look back at your life at two different things. The first is the times that you thought something horrible would happen, but it didn’t. And the second is the times that something bad that happened that actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise. This acknowledgement can release your conviction that something bad will happen.
Recognize that all the fear you have about the future is really about nothing more than feeling and more than that, the fear of feeling something you’ve already felt. It isn’t the circumstance itself that causes us pain; it’s how that circumstance makes us feel. If we’re afraid of the future, we are essentially saying, “I can’t bear to feel that way that I think I’ll feel so I have to prevent ever feeling that way.” Because we fear the future based off of what we have experienced in the past, we are really saying, “I can’t bear to feel that way ever again.” It’s not about the feelings you’re yet to have, it’s about the ones you’ve already had and didn’t feel like you could cope with. Otherwise, you wouldn’t know what to be afraid of. Ask yourself, how is it ok to feel? How could I cope differently with feeling the way I’m afraid to feel in case I feel it again?
Imagine the feeling of fear of the future as belonging to an aspect of you, not to all of you. Close your eyes and visualize this “you” within you who fears the future. Imagine picking up this fearful self in your arms and loving them and caring for them and having a conversation with them to soothe their worries and meeting their needs and letting them know that you will not leave them, you will be there always and be in charge of their wellbeing.
Living life at the mercy of your past pain, which is what is happening if you fear the future, is painful. Some additional strategies to address the feelings can include:
Mindfulness Practices: Engaging in mindfulness meditation can help ground you in the present, reducing the tendency to ruminate on the past or worry about the future.
Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Challenging negative thoughts and reframing them can help you gain perspective on your worries and regrets.
Journaling: Writing about your thoughts and feelings can provide clarity and help you process past experiences and future fears.
Professional Support and groups like CoDA: If these feelings are overwhelming, speaking with a mental health professional can provide strategies tailored to your needs.
Focus on Action: Setting small, achievable goals can shift your focus from what has happened or what might happen to what you can do in the present.
Understanding that these feelings are part of the human experience can be the first step toward managing them effectively.
This article compiled and condensed from the following resources:
https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/fear-of-the-future-r222/
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/anticipatory-anxiety#symptoms
https://www.verywellmind.com/coping-with-a-foreshortened-future-ptsd-2797225
https://www.kcresolve.com/blog/limited-by-the-past-worried-about-the-future
https://www.quora.com/I-dwell-on-the-past-and-fear-the-future-constantly-What-is-wrong-with-me
https://www.billcrawfordphd.com/how-to-avoid-worrying-about-the-past-and-or-future/