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Oxytocin Characteristics Table

 

LOVE

LUST

CODEPENDENCY

ADDICTION

Preceded by LOTS of conversations that reveal common values and interests. Positive communications even when both do not necessarily agree on the topic.

Fixated on a person’s body and physicality. Principal interest and focus involve physical intimacy, often with progressively increasing and risky wants / needs / desires.

Patterns of denial, including minimizing, altering, or denying how they truly feel.

Left with feelings of cravings progressively increasing cravings and tolerance. Substance use or   acting out behaviors become ‘never enough’; Always needing more.

Conversations and relationship grow to feel safe in sharing of feelings and vulnerabilities.

More interested in having sex than conversations yet feeling like simply having sex will lead to connection.

Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well- being of others.

Increasingly negative consequences from acting out behaviors, including health, life and legal troubles.  

Sex might be part of the conversation but not the headline or goal.

Little to no discussion of feelings or future. 

Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.

Unable to stop despite repeatedly trying often escalating to financial difficulties & mental health issues.

Over time, an increasing mutual interest in meeting respective friends and family and interest in integrating lives. 

Little to no desire to spend quality time together outside the bedroom.

Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others, often finding ways to numb, mask or avoid pain

Neglecting responsibilities; Loss of control, including behaviors that can be described as “not myself” when I’m acting out / using. 

Support and respect for individual interests, ‘alone time’ and friends outside of the relationship.

Palpable awareness of things like accelerated heart rate, breathing, Feeling excited. Feeling aroused. 

Often alternate between feelings of low self-esteem and feelings of being ‘better-than’ others.

Neglecting appearance, self-care and other responsibilities. Increasingly risky behaviors.

Includes mutually satisfying emotional and physical intimacy. 

Often includes porn, fantasy, prostitution and taboo thoughts.

Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.

Lying or defensiveness / anger about behavior or consumption. 

Health connections ‘learned’ or experienced in childhood.

Feelings of shame or unhealthy connections after sex (Often originated / learned in childhood). 

Feelings of shame or unhealthy connections, typically originated / learned in childhood.

Preoccupation / obsession about next use or acting out. Working to ensure consistent ‘supply.’

Empathy 

Use of sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance

Label others with their negative traits. Have difficulty admitting a mistake.

Diminishing energy or motivation; Only thing that matters is next acting out opportunity.

Trust

Poor or unhealthy boundaries.

Poor or unhealthy boundaries.

Display most, if not all of the characteristics of co-dependency

Influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters – in particular oxytocin (presence of)

Influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters – in particular oxytocin (shortage of)

Influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters – in particular oxytocin (shortage of)

Influenced by hormones and neurotransmitters – in particular oxytocin (shortage of)
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