“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count.
It’s the life in your years.”
— Abraham Lincoln
Adopted and adapted from an article written by Angel
Chernoff
As you age you will learn to value your time, genuine
relationships, meaningful work, and peace of mind, much more. Little else will
matter. Deep down you know that already, right?
Yet on most days, just like the majority of us, you are
distracted by so many others things. You give your time to lots of meaningless
time-wasters. You take your important relationships for granted. You get to
work skeptically with inner resistance. And you let everyday stress get the
best of you…
Why? Because you’re human, and human beings are imperfect
creatures. We get overwhelmed and caught up in our own heads, and sometimes we
don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our
way. We scrutinize and dramatize the insignificant, and then we sit back
scratching our heads in bewilderment of how blah life feels. And as we continue
to dwell on these things, we try to distract ourselves or otherwise seek ways
to numb the tension we feel. But by doing so, we also continue to distract
ourselves from what matters most in life. So today, let’s discuss three
super-common daily habits distracting so many of us; Some default patterns far
too many of us engage in on a daily basis, draining us of our true potential…
1. Treating every day as though it’s “just another day.”
A good life always begins now, when you stop waiting for a
better one. Yet so many people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all
year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. Don’t wait until your
life is almost over to realize how good it has been, or just how much potential
you’ve had waiting for you every single day.
Start by being honest about the distraction and busyness in
your life…
- How
often do you engage in the exchange of valueless gossip?
- How
often are you thinking about other things when someone is talking to you?
- Do you
check social media apps on your phone when you’re working, or when you’re
spending time with loved ones?
- Do you
send text messages while driving?
The biggest cost of filling your life with needless
distraction and busyness (assuming you don’t crash from the texting and
driving), is a gradual long-term decline of your effectiveness and happiness.
When you get in the habit of persistently dividing your attention, you’re
partially engaged in every activity, but rarely focused on any one. And this
dizzying lack of focus eventually trips you up and brings you down.
The solution? More presence and focus on what matters most —
getting rid of the excess:
- Identify
what’s most important to you, and eliminate as much as you possibly can of
everything else. In other words, be ruthless about putting first things
first. Say “no” to unnecessary commitments that do not support your
priorities.
- When
you start an important activity, turn to it with your full attention and
set a conscious intention to be fully present with the act — to do nothing
but this one activity for a set time.
- When
you notice your mind drifting and thinking about something else, or if
something happens and your attention momentarily gets pulled elsewhere…
just notice. Then take a deep breath and return to being fully present
with the activity.
- Do
your best to empty your mind of any preconceived notions about the
activity — like judging the moment against some ideal — and just be
curious about how the activity is truly unfolding right now. Allow
yourself to be moved and surprised by it.
- Treat
each moment with reverence, as if you are one with what’s happening.
- See
the brilliance of the activity you’re focused on — the brilliance of the
present moment — that underlies everything else happening in your life.
The bottom line here is that too often our minds are set on
getting somewhere else or doing something else. Too often another beautiful day
comes to an end with hundreds of unnoticed moments behind us — we didn’t notice
them because they were insignificant to us, and because we were too distracted.
And over time our entire lives become a massive pile of unnoticed and
insignificant moments on our way to more important things. Then the important
things get rushed through too… to get to the next one, and the next, until our
time is up and we’re left questioning where it all went.
2. Waiting and hoping to “find” something to be passionate
about.
Passion is powerful. Your inner passion will likely become a
key source of your greatest achievements and your finest moments. The fevering
excitement of love. The joy of getting in flow. The clarity of a purpose. The
ecstasy of letting go and being one with the present moment.
If your life is going to mean anything to you down the road,
you have to actively and passionately engage in it. You have to deeply invest
yourself in activities that move you. But the key thing to realize is that
almost any activity can move you if you let it. You don’t need some massive,
life-engulfing passion to suddenly appear in your life. Because real passion
comes from within, and the source of passion in your life may be as simple as
having a job to do — a job that feeds your family, for example — and feeling
really good about doing it right.
Of course, many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find
our passion” — something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to
happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. When we say we’re
trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding
behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. If
you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere outside yourself, so
you finally have a reason to put your whole heart and soul into your life and
the things you’re working on, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of waiting, and you’d
rather live more passionately starting today, and experience more joy and
meaning in your life in the long run, it’s time to proactively inject passion
into the very next thing you work on. Think about it:
- When
was the last time you sat down to work on something, with zero
distractions and 100% focus?
- When
was the last time you exercised, and literally put every bit of effort you
could muster into it?
- When
was the last time you truly tried — TRULY tried — to do your very best
with what’s in front of you?
Like most of us, you’re likely putting a half-hearted effort
into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting.
You’re still waiting to “find” something to be passionate about — some magical
reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself. But what you need
to do is the exact opposite!
Stop waiting! If you want more passion in your life right
now, act accordingly right now. You have plenty in your life right now that’s
worth your time, energy, and passionate focus. You have people and
circumstances in your life that need you as much as you need them. You have a
massive reservoir of passionate potential within you, just waiting. So, stop
waiting! Put your heart and soul into the small things you’ve got right in
front of you. Do so, and your long-lost passion will show up to greet you. And almost
everything you do will start to feel more meaningful and memorable. Live your
life not as a bystander. Live in this world, on this day, and every day going
forward as an active, passionate participant!
3. Being too close and controlling every step of the way.
Henry Wadsworth once said, “For after all, the best thing
one can do when it is raining is to let it rain.”
Acceptance is letting go and allowing certain things to be
the way they truly are. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about improving the
reality of your life; it’s just realizing that the only thing you really have
control over is yourself and your thoughts about everything else. This simple
understanding is the foundation, and only with this foundation can there be
peace of mind and growth in the long run.
But how do you let go and change your inner state to one of
acceptance? Start with distance and breathing…
Everything is simpler from a distance. Sometimes you simply
need to distance yourself to see things more clearly. You are more than
whatever is troubling you. A very real part of you exists beyond your worries,
beyond your doubts, independent from the troubles and frustrations of the
present moment. Step back and observe this reality. Take a few steps back and
give yourself the benefit of this distance. Simply breathe…
As you read these words, you are breathing. Stop for a
moment and notice this breath. You can control this breath, and make it faster
or slower, or make it behave as you like. Or you can simply let yourself inhale
and exhale naturally. There is peace in just letting your lungs breathe,
without having to control the situation or do anything about it.
Now imagine letting other parts of your body breathe — like
your tense shoulders. Just let them be, without having to tense them or control
them. Just let them breathe.
Now look around the room you’re in, and notice the objects
around you. Pick one, and let it breathe.
There are likely people in the room with you too, or in the
same house or building, or in nearby houses or buildings. Visualize them in
your mind, and let them breathe.
When you let everything and everyone breathe, you just let
them be, exactly as they are. You don’t need to control them, worry about them,
or change them. You just let them breathe, in peace, and you accept them as
they are.
If you feel like you’ve mishandled one or more of the points
above — or if you’ve just been lacking in the success and joy departments
lately — this is for YOU… Choose any area in your life that you want to
improve, and then:
- Write
down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s
bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
- Write
down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have
contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What
are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re
in?)
- Write
down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to
create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What’s the goal? What
does an improved situation look like for you?)
- Write
down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get
you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What
small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to
point B?)
And as you’re working on actually implementing the necessary
life changes, remind yourself: Your goal (#3 in the exercise above) is a good
general guidepost. But your goal won’t make changes happen, your daily habits
will. Too often we obsess ourselves with a goal — an end result — but we’re
mostly unfocused when it comes to the habits — the recurring steps — that
ultimately make that goal a possibility. In other words, too often we
overestimate the significance of one big defining moment and underestimate the
value of making a little bit of progress every single day…
Consider this: If you completely ignored one of your goals
for the next few weeks and instead focused solely on the daily habits that
reinforce your goal, would you still get positive results? For example, if you
were trying to lose weight and you ignored your goal to lose 10 pounds, and
instead focused only on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still
get results? YES, you would! Gradually you would get closer and closer to your
goal without even thinking about it. So, use this knowledge to your advantage
starting today!