- What positive characteristics do I have? What are my best qualities? What are my talents? What successes am I most proud of?
- As a child, was anyone there to talk with or otherwise support me? What conclusions have I drawn about this?
- As a child, did I experience codependent behaviors from my caregivers? How did I feel about these behaviors at the time? What conclusions or beliefs have I drawn from these behaviors? How do I feel about them now?
- Do I feel I deserve good things? If not, why?
- What positive experiences were part of my childhood? What did I gain from these experiences? What positive messages were given to me in childhood? Who or what was the source of these messages? How did they make me feel?
- Do I deny my parents' codependency or addiction? If so, why? What do I get from denial? Am I able to accept that my parents did what they did because it is how they were, rather than blaming them or myself?
- What things am I doing (repeating) today that were done to me as a child? What self-defeating behaviors have I carried into my adult life from my family of origin? In what places other than my family did I learn these?
- What do I love about myself?
- How have I, as an adult, caused harm to myself?
- Do I criticize and condemn myself and others? Under what circumstances?
- How do I allow other people's opinions to influence my behavior? Why?
- What values of mine do I ignore in order to fit in?
- Do I tend to discount myself? Where did I learn this? How does this make me feel?
- Do I place more importance on what others think than what I think? If yes, why?
- As an adult, what is my payoff in believing I am a victim? Give examples.
- What codependent behaviors am I holding on to? What am I accomplishing or trying to cover up with my codependent behaviors?
- Do I believe others' behaviors are my fault or responsibility? What learning experiences have I denied others in my efforts to control them?
- Give examples of when I took on more responsibility than I needed to, or thought I was in charge, but wasn't? What was the outcome?
- What resentments am I holding on to? How do the resentments affect my recovery? What am I avoiding? Why?
- Has anyone ever said, "What's the matter with you? Stop that right now!" or otherwise negated my feelings? How did this make me feel?
- When have I owned my power? How did it feel?
- How has my recovery benefited me?
Feelings are associated with emotional safety and joy. They convey valuable messages that help us make decisions, establish and maintain connections, understand ourselves and others, and provide a fundamental sense of well-being. Feelings also come from experiences (past, present and future) that take away from our sense of emotional or physical safety and control, particularly when those experiences result in anger, which is primarily composed of fear and sadness. Those painful feelings, while disliked, are a normal part of life experiences and when they are processed in a healthy manner, collectively contribute to personal growth and emotional well-being. But what happens when we suppress, avoid or numb feelings that are painful or uncomfortable? Ignoring or denying feelings because we can’t control the underlying circumstances doesn’t make them go away. Instead, the feelings continue to brew, grow and bubble up until something prompts them to erupt. Suppressing or ignoring fe...