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Step 4: Personalized Questions from the Big Book

  1. What positive characteristics do I have? What are my best qualities? What are my talents? What successes am I most proud of?
  2. As a child, was anyone there to talk with or otherwise support me? What conclusions have I drawn about this?
  3. As a child, did I experience codependent behaviors from my caregivers? How did I feel about these behaviors at the time? What conclusions or beliefs have I drawn from these behaviors? How do I feel about them now?
  4. Do I feel I deserve good things? If not, why?
  5. What positive experiences were part of my childhood? What did I gain from these experiences? What positive messages were given to me in childhood? Who or what was the source of these messages? How did they make me feel?
  6. Do I deny my parents' codependency or addiction? If so, why? What do I get from denial? Am I able to accept that my parents did what they did because it is how they were, rather than blaming them or myself?
  7. What things am I doing (repeating) today that were done to me as a child? What self-defeating behaviors have I carried into my adult life from my family of origin? In what places other than my family did I learn these?
  8. What do I love about myself?
  9. How have I, as an adult, caused harm to myself?
  10. Do I criticize and condemn myself and others? Under what circumstances?
  11. How do I allow other people's opinions to influence my behavior? Why?
  12. What values of mine do I ignore in order to fit in?
  13. Do I tend to discount myself? Where did I learn this? How does this make me feel?
  14. Do I place more importance on what others think than what I think? If yes, why?
  15. As an adult, what is my payoff in believing I am a victim? Give examples.
  16. What codependent behaviors am I holding on to? What am I accomplishing or trying to cover up with my codependent behaviors?
  17. Do I believe others' behaviors are my fault or responsibility? What learning experiences have I denied others in my efforts to control them?
  18. Give examples of when I took on more responsibility than I needed to, or thought I was in charge, but wasn't? What was the outcome?
  19. What resentments am I holding on to? How do the resentments affect my recovery? What am I avoiding? Why?
  20. Has anyone ever said, "What's the matter with you? Stop that right now!" or otherwise negated my feelings? How did this make me feel?
  21. When have I owned my power? How did it feel?
  22. How has my recovery benefited me?

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