Too often, we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we’ll be liked and accepted by everyone. But we can’t please everyone and shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think the world wants us to be; Instead of protecting ourselves from seeing painful things and feeling overwhelming feelings, we open ourselves up to real conversations, real relationships, and real peace of mind. Liberate yourself—let “honesty and authenticity” be your policy today. Start by admitting what so many of us have denied about ourselves for far too long…
Adopted and adapted from an article by Marc Chernoff
https://www.marcandangel.com/2017/10/29/4-things-most-of-us-refuse-to-admit-about-ourselves/
1. We are more sensitive, vulnerable, and unsure of ourselves than we want others to know.
Every single one of us has a sensitive side, and yet so many of us try to hide it. Why? Because sensitive people are too often perceived as weak or broken. But to feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being. It is not the sensitive person who is broken, it is our modern society’s understanding that has become dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated. There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, and humane world.
Never be ashamed to let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world. And don’t be afraid to feel a bit awkward and unsure of yourself in the process. In fact, heightened self-consciousness, anxiety, fear of being judged, and feeling vulnerable and “different”—they’re really not all bad.
But a harsh truth remains: The adversaries we encounter in life, especially our own inner demons, use the things we’re insecure about against us. Which means we can’t hide forever. We have to emerge. We have to grow through our insecurities. At some point, we have to free ourselves and take our power back by being secure in who we are . . . sensitives, vulnerabilities, insecurities, and all.
Instead of smiling to be polite, sometimes we have to speak out. Sometimes we have to cry. Instead of laughing when you are nervous or uncomfortable, just speak your truth. Instead of acting like everything is all right, when it’s not, proclaim it isn’t all right—talk about your feelings! Admit your truth. Be vulnerable. Be sensitive. Be real.
2. We give others far too much control over how we feel and live.
At some point, we all have to look out into the world with an honest, open heart and say, “This is me. Take me or leave me.” Getting to that point, however, is a journey. It takes time to condition our minds to resist the lure of at least some social validation.
Our desire to be socially validated by others is baked into our DNA. It has been proven time and time again, for example, that babies’ emotions are often drawn directly from the behaviors of those around them. As we grow up, we learn to separate our thoughts and emotions from everyone else’s, but many of us continue to seek—and in many cases beg for—positive social validation from others.
The biggest problem is we tend to forget that people judge us based on a pool of influences in their own lives that have absolutely nothing to do with us. Therefore, basing your self-worth on what others think puts you in a perpetual state of vulnerability—you are literally at the mercy of their unrelated, unreliable, biased perspectives. If they see you in the right light and respond to you in a positive, affirming manner, then you feel good about yourself. And if not, you feel like you did something wrong.
Bottom line: When you’re doing everything for other people, and basing your happiness and self-worth on their opinions, you’ve lost your core value and sense of self. If you catch yourself doing this—as you inevitably will at some point—remind yourself of the truth: What most people think of you doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of life.
Refocus your attention on the right relationships. Spend time with people who see you the way you are, and not as they wish to think you are. Spend even more time with those who truly know about you, and who love and respect you regardless of those less-than-ideal histories or characteristics we all have, because we should never define or be defined by just one or two things. If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are than to keep them intact by acting like someone you’re not.
3. We often measure our own worth on a material-based scale.
Horizontal growth, acquiring more money and physical objects, does nothing to nourish our core. Vertical growth, developing and nourishing a deeper emotional sense of connection and self-worth, is truly valuable growth. Sadly, many of us feel stuck, and we age much faster than we grow vertically because society ‘taught’ us to focus almost entirely on horizontal achievements. We spend so much of our lives going through the external—material—motions of what society tells us ‘worth’ is—earning more money, buying more stuff, working our way up the corporate ladder, etc.—that we fail to concentrate on what matters most.
No matter where life takes you—big cities or tiny towns, online encounters or in-person exchanges—you will inevitably come across situations that make you second-guess yourself… situations where everyone seems to have more than you . . . situations that leave you feeling inferior. And you’ll subconsciously measure your own worth based on what you have on the outside, instead of who you are inside. What matters most is having strength of character, peace of mind, a grateful heart, and healthy connections. These can’t be bought but they carry the greatest foundational value in life.
4. We often don’t give ourselves the credit we deserve.
It’s easy to look at past problems or mistakes and regret things. It’s easy to wish you had learned a lesson sooner. But doing so doesn’t serve you. What does serve you is giving yourself due credit for healthy progress. It’s not denying the past; It’s saying I can’t change the past and I’ve likely already paid the price for those not-so-idyllic parts of my past.
Remember that time you thought you couldn’t make it through? You did, and you’ll do it again. Don’t let your challenges get the best of you. Appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. You deserve self-acknowledgment for your strength and resilience. We all do.
Every step and experience is necessary. Keep pushing forward. In the end, all the small things you do and experience make a big difference. Life isn’t about a single moment of great triumph and attainment. It’s about all the trials, errors, and achievements that slowly get you there—the blood, the sweat, the tears, and the small, inconsequential things you do on a day-to-day basis. It all matters in the end. Even the seemingly insignificant happenings add up to something. All of this has strengthened you. All of this has made you who you are today. And all of this proves that you have the strength and resilience to deal with the challenges in front of you. Give yourself credit for the work you have already accomplished and step forward again, with grace.
It works if you work it. So work it, you’re worth it!