The older we grow and the more real-world tragedies and challenges we witness, the more we realize how incredibly blessed we are, and how frequently the fantasies (thoughts) in our heads hold us back from these blessings. We’ve likely fantasized our way into headaches and heartaches hundreds of times, often without even realizing it. We all do this to a greater or lesser extent . . .
NOTE- Article adapted* from https://www.marcandangel.com/2021/11/30/10-fantasies-to-let-go-of-before-the-new-year/#more-5092 by Marc Chernoff
We stress ourselves out, because of fantasies.
We procrastinate to the point of failure, because of fantasies.
We get angry with others, with ourselves and with the world at large, because of fantasies.
We miss out on many of life’s most beautiful and peaceful moments, because of fantasies.
When we wake up and immediately start fantasizing and worrying about all the things we have to do, we aren’t really doing anything but adding stress to an otherwise pleasant morning.
When we fear the potential of failure, and we procrastinate in response to our fear, our fearful fantasies force us to miss great opportunities for success.
When someone upsets us, this is often because they aren’t behaving according to our fantasy of how they “should” behave. The frustration stems not from their behavior but from how their behavior differs from our fantasy.
When we think about making a healthy change in our lives, like getting in shape for example, we might be initially inspired by the fantasy of how easy it will be, not realizing that’s not reality. So, when the reality of working hard to exercise and eat right surfaces, and it doesn’t match up with our earlier, inspiring fantasy, we give up.
When we’re having a conversation with someone, and we’re distracted with fantasies of how this person views us, or we’re distracted by our propensity to fantasize about how to respond before they even finish talking, and the conversation can become unnecessarily draining.
When we move through our days, and our minds are stuck fantasizing about other times and places—or other possibilities — we miss the pleasant surprises and simple pleasures surrounding us.
And the list goes on and on . . .
Of course, sometimes we get out of our own heads long enough to focus on the present, accept it, and make the best of it, but for most of us, it’s not nearly often enough. If that’s me, it’s time for a change!
To get myself out of this rut, it is in my best interest to rewire my thinking and replace negative, fantasy-driven mindsets with positive, productive ones. For example, instead of saying, “I don’t have what it takes,” I can start saying, “I think I can figure this out!” And by doing so, I’ll stop saying, “I’m not ready yet,” and I’ll start taking action because the new mindset is something along the lines of “I am ready to learn and grow!”
Bottom line: If I’ve caught myself stuck with similar fantasies and negative thought patterns like the ones discussed above, it would be in my best interest to take action sooner, rather than later. The longer I let these little demons linger around, the harder it is to get rid of them. And since the New Year is just around the corner, which inspires many of us to refocus our energy and attention on the right things, it’s a perfect time to start letting them go.
Before the New Year. . .
- I can let go of the fantasies I have about all the distractions in my life. – If it entertains me now but will hurt or bore me later, it’s a distraction. I don’t need to settle. I don’t need to exchange what I want most for what I kinda want at the moment. I can study my habits and figure out where my time goes, and start to remove distractions. I can focus on what matters.
- I can let go of the fantasy that everyone else knows what’s best for me. – Too many of us listen to the noise of the world and get lost in the crowd. I don’t want to do this to myself. I don’t need to read every gossip column . . . I don’t need to check the news five times a day. I can find the strength to fill my time with meaningful experiences. The space and time I occupy at any given moment is LIFE, and if I’m worrying about the Kardashians or Lebron James or some other face on social media, then I am disempowering myself by giving my life away to marketing and media hocus-pocus, created by big companies to ultimately motivate me to want to look and behave a in a way they want and profit from. It’s all just a distraction from what is real and good. What is real and good is ME and my family and friends, my loves, my highs, my hopes, and my dreams. I know this already! It’s in my best interest to practice better listening to what my heart is telling me!
- I can let go of the fantasy that my anger and frustration is someone else’s fault. – The ultimate measure of my wisdom and strength is how calm I am when facing any given situation. Calmness is indeed a superpower. The ability to not overreact or take things personally keeps my mind clear and my heart at peace, which instantly gives me the upper hand.
- I can let go of the fantasy that my biggest obstacle is outside myself. – The biggest and most complex obstacle I will ever have to overcome is my mind. If I can overcome that, I can overcome almost anything. And by “overcoming,” I’m referring to the skill of mindfulness, and learning to effectively control my emotional responses to life’s unexpected challenges. Because most of my deepest pain comes from the way I respond, not the way life is.
- I can let go of the fantasy that life shouldn’t be so hard. – It’s so easy to overestimate the importance of one big, challenging circumstance and then underestimate the value of making better daily decisions based on what that circumstance has taught me. The truth is, I need things to be challenging—I need things to be hard sometimes! My mind and body need to be exercised to gain strength. They need to be worked consistently. Because if I haven’t pushed myself in lots of little ways over time—if I always avoid dealing with and working through the hard things—of course I’ll crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than I expected.
- I can let go of the fantasy that the risks are too great. – A new relationship opportunity, a new income opportunity, etc. Have I had an opportunity sitting right in front of me but taken zero action? Have I refused to step up and pursue what I truly want because, deep down, I fear pain, rejection, failure, etc. If so, I’ve subconsciously and heartbreakingly traded comfort and self-preservation for lifelong misery. I don’t need to do this to myself!
- I can let go of the fantasy that I need permission to move forward with my life. – No one is going to give me the permission I need. I don’t need to wait to be chosen or blessed by someone else. The chosen and blessed ones choose and bless themselves, with heart-centered focus and consistent action. My life is MY choice! It’ sin my best interest to remind myself of this, choose wisely, and take action.
- I can let go of the fantasy that I should feel more confident before taking the next step. Taking the next step is what builds my confidence. I don’t need to have it all mapped out. I don’t need to feel “completely ready.” I just need to get started—and to make “starting” a daily ritual.
- I can let go of the fantasy that I need more, more, more . . . of everything. – It is in my best interest to simplify wherever and whenever possible. I can start to clear the clutter in my physical and mental space. I don’t need to sell my sanity to the impulse of acquiring things—more distractions—that I don’t need in my life. I can say “no!” When I simplify and live comfortably below my means, mentally and physically, I ultimately enjoy a freedom that people busy upgrading their lifestyles and schedules can’t even fathom.
- I can let go of the fantasy that what I know or understand now will always be true. – Warren Buffett once said, “What the human being is best at doing is interpreting all new information so that their prior conclusions remain intact.” This kind of thinking is a tragedy that I don’t need to do to myself. I don’t need to just look for data that confirms what I already know. I can be willing to be wrong. I can be willing to learn. I can be mindful, humble and teachable. There’s always room for a new idea, a new step, a new perspective . . . a new beginning. Life changes every second, and so can I.
Cheers to a New Beginning
Undoubtedly, the days, weeks and months ahead—both before and after the New Year—will be filled with highs and lows, for all of us. But in any case, we can train our minds to make the best of the present moment as it unfolds. Letting go of the fantasies covered above is one of the simplest and most powerful starting points for doing this. And if I’m struggling with any of this, I can remind myself that I am not alone. Many of us are working hard to feel better, think more clearly, and keep our lives and relationships on track. It’s not just me. We all need support, guidance, and healthy reminders sometimes.
It’s never too late to let go and step forward in the right direction and I don’t need to do it all at once. I can start with picking 1 thing I will let go of before the New Year.
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*For KC CoDA purposes, articles are edited to come from an "I/me" perspective. They also may have edited content and format.