The Rat Race- Do I really want to run in it?

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere. - Colin Powell

Adopted and adapted from articles by several life coaches:

What Is the Rat Race?

The rat race is an exhausting routine of giving most of your time and energy for the benefit of others, with inequitable return for you. Those in the rat race serve others with minimal reward in return for their efforts, love or care.

It’s no surprise that you want to escape the rat race. From disappointing paychecks to toxic relationships, nobody really wants to sacrifice their life solely to benefit others. Besides, you’re not just some rat. You’re a smart person who can do anything you set your mind to. You don’t belong in an environment of lifelong enslavement and servitude (different from being of service). You deserve to be able to enjoy life, while not doing so at the expense or detriment of others.

Life is relatively short and it’s healthy to be able to balance our life to include things like:

Spending time with friends and family;
Pursuing our passions;
Creating something meaningful;
Spend some time helping others;
Laying in the hammock
And more!

This is my rat race; What’s yours?

My alarm sounded, 6 AM again, I’m a creature of habit.

“Habits are like cork or lead -- they tend to keep you up or hold you down.” - Unknown author

I hit the snooze button several times before one of my dogs reminds me that they need to go out to pee. Soon, I start my coffee machine and while it’s warming up, I get logged into my computer to check emails, voice mails, trouble tickets and other work-related items. Soon after that, I’ve already opened up Google News, Yahoo Finance, my LinkedIn account or other social media (Instagram? Facebook?) and start scrolling. As the images, stories and numbers flash by, thoughts come and go just as quickly.

Round and round, dozens of thoughts passing through my mind in a blink of an eye. All before my coffee is done. My monkey mind, my ego, ‘satisfied’ for the moment. Happy to pass judgment and fear and sense of lacking into my mind without me even realizing it.

Sometimes I go into the office; sometimes I work from home. Ironically, I work more hours on the days I work from home. By midafternoon, I’ve sat through countless Zoom / WebEx meetings and dozens of phone calls. The pile on my desk and the flashes on my computer screens change, but they are always there.

My days feel more like a constant emotional reaction to my circumstances. My environment — from my home life, to my ‘regular’ job (or routine) — dictate my day, and how I feel from the time I wake up, until the time I go to bed. I feel like a pinball with the world and other people at the controls.

What does your Rat Race look or feel like?

Most People are Consumers

It’s easy to live from a place of emotional reaction. It takes the responsibility off our shoulders and puts it squarely on the world, and other people. When we live in a state of emotional reaction, we easily and quickly blame the outside world for our joy or lack and we are forced to operate in response to outside circumstances. In this way, we are consumers. We look outside of ourselves for inspiration, entertainment, and sources of blame. Perhaps we look for ways or substances to numb or escape our reality.

This is the way the majority works. From dawn until dusk, we consume other people’s agendas, their ideas and their creations and it influences every aspect of our life. We consumers live our lives in a constant state of reaction to the outside world. It is emotionally exhausting to live from this place. Whether on social media or the nightly news, we know the toll that consuming information and fear takes. And yet we still do it.

Taking Yourself Out of the Rat Race

“You can only run your own race.” - Oprah Winfrey

Oprah is a powerhouse, the billionaire talk show host turned media conglomerate queen, is a household staple. I grew up on Oprah, and you would be hard pressed to find a single American who hasn’t heard of her. But what kept her moving ever forward, when so many other talk shows fizzled out in the heap of trash TV?

In a Business Insider podcast, the founding producer of Oprah, Ellen Rakieten, summarizes that Oprah and her crew ran their own race, they weren’t consumers of what competitors were putting out, they were creators of their own world.

The average, whether in business or personal life, spend their time playing catch up to people like Oprah, who run their own race, and follow or even obsess with what other people are doing.

The extraordinary spend their time getting rooted in what they stand for, they own their story, and they speak their truth, without wasting too much time watching how other people do it. There’s no time for that when you’re busy creating from a place of authenticity.

You don’t need to have it all figured out to take the next step. But you do need to take the next step to figure it out. You know, all those things you’ve been putting off? How about starting with just one of those that you’ve been procrastinating on for the last several weeks, months, or even years? It may just be in your best interest to start doing that thing, with passion!

Remind yourself that passion is not something you find in life; it’s something you do. When you want to find the passion and inner strength needed to change your situation, you have to force yourself to step forward.

Too many of us are still hopelessly trying to “find our passion”—something we believe will ultimately lead us closer to happiness, success, or the life situation we ultimately want. And I say “hopelessly” primarily because passion can’t really be found. When we say we’re trying to find our passion, it implies that our passion is somehow hiding behind a tree or under a rock somewhere. But that’s far from the truth. The truth is, our passion comes from doing things right and doing things that nourish our souls. If you’re waiting to somehow “find your passion” somewhere or through someone outside yourself, you’ll likely be waiting around for an eternity.

Like most of us, you’re likely putting a halfhearted effort into most of the things you do on a daily basis. Because you’re still waiting. You’re still waiting to “find” something or someone to be passionate about—some magical reason to step into the life you want to create for yourself.

Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel so overwhelmed already. Maybe I just don’t know where to start.

"Worrying about something that may never happen is like paying interest on money you haven’t even borrowed."

--Unknown

How do I Plan or Start my Escape?

In your quest to escape the rat race, you need to know your why. What’s the most irritating thing, for you, about being in the rat race? Is it the low pay? Maybe it’s having a boss? Or you want to leave a toxic relationship? When choosing a why, it can help to have it as a burning fire in you. The biggest life changes happen when you’re raging mad. When you’re at that boiling point and can’t take it anymore. When you begin to feel that way, use that anger and frustration to motivate you to plan your escape from the rat race.

Next steps: Start the next week by staying the hell off of social media. If you spend your time scrolling, you’re going to immediately put yourself into a reactive state, watching what others are doing, and immediately comparing that to what you’re doing, what you have, and all the ways you’re lacking.

Making the Escape

So, hopefully you’ve had a chance to reflect on (and define) the why part of planning your escape. Remember, that means being able to describe what I want my why to be. My why is that I want to start feeling like there’s something left for me at the end of the day, and even throughout that day! Of course, I want (need) to have sufficient financial resources to live reasonably too. Remember: reasonably is a subjective gauge: I get to decide what it looks like for me. And for me, it means being happy with my life and those I share it with; It means having more experiences and the freedom to do so. It’s come to mean needing less ‘stuff’ (Stuff has only compounded my need for more money to support the stuff; It’s done little to help me be truly happy). I also want to be generous with my love and care and joy for others on this huge marble spinning through space, while remembering that I also deserve to give myself some of that same love and care and joy. Many of the suggested steps (to escape the rat race) relate to finances, which are important. Perhaps equally if not more important, are the tips specifically around relationships. In any instance, they are almost always intertwined.

Here are some steps to consider to start planning and making your escape: (We’ll start with the money first)

Stop Buying Stupid Shit

The easiest thing you can do to begin your escape from the rat race is to get control of your personal finances and reduce all unnecessary spending. The degree to which you do this depends on your income. The lower your income is, the more you have to skimp and nickel and dime stuff.

You can’t escape the rat race if you keep burying yourself in deeper debt. Cut up your credit card. Stop buying things you don’t need. Instead, buy essentials like groceries and medicines. And there may even be some things you could cut from your grocery list too…like bottled water when you have tap water at home. Look at reducing your expenses as much as you can. This will help you save more money long-term so you can live within your means. Plus, you can reinvest the money you’ve saved so you can grow it long-term.

It's all about percentages. If you're a six-figure earner and stuck in the rat race, your "stop buying stupid shit" plan is going to look much different from someone who makes $36,000 a year. The bottom line is that you've gotta do something you might not like the idea of and something you may not have done before. Start with making and following a budget.

Pay Yourself First

The secret to escaping the rat race is to pay yourself first instead of last. The average person tends to take their paycheck and pay off all of their expenses such as rent, phone bills, internet, and other types of costs. However, when you look at your paycheck after all those expenses are made, you’re typically left with very little – if anything at all. Instead, you should set aside a certain amount every paycheck to pay yourself first – maybe that’s $100 each pay period. Then, with whatever is left over, you pay your expenses. If you fall short, that’ll motivate you to step up your game to find a new stream of income, so you don’t fall into debt. So, you might pick up a new side hustle, such as freelancing, to make ends meet.

Acquire Assets

The only way to escape the rat race is to own assets. With the help of assets, you can earn more income. For example, you might buy an online store from Exchange that’s already proven to generate a profit each month. Or you could invest in stocks when they’re affordable. You might choose to buy condos or houses while having a tenant pay for your mortgage each month. Ultimately, you want to acquire assets that’ll make you money each month so you can earn a more scalable income. The assets you acquire could also lead to a big payday one day when you sell it.

Pick Up a Side-job

To acquire new assets, you’ll need to have enough money in the bank to make purchases. The best way to make money is to have a side job. There are a few ways you can do this. First, you can use a trade-time-for-money approach so that you’re guaranteed to make money. The downside to this is that time is finite, and you’ll still be working for money instead of having money work for you. For these kinds of side hustles, you’ll likely be doing some moonlighting / a second job or freelance work such as graphic design, writing, or programming or influencer marketing. Another option is to focus on a passive income stream, this inches you closer to having money work for you. Examples of low-cost passive income streams are drop-shipping, blogging, online education, or app creation.

Invest Your Money

You can’t escape the rat race unless you invest your money in something that makes your money more money. The biggest mistake people often make is spending their savings in an emergency. However, you shouldn’t dip into your savings – ever. You need to let the process of compounding interest take its effect. The money should only be used to make more money. You might invest your money in a new business, the stock market, or in real estate. Keep in mind that in all three cases, there’s risk involved. Most businesses fail. The stock market crashes. And real estate doesn’t always go up in value. However, despite risk, there can also be major rewards. When it comes to investment, start small. Don’t throw your entire life savings into one investment. There are learning curves in business, stock market investing, and real estate. Before making a financial commitment, make an educational commitment, so that you lower the risk of investing.

Invest in You; Invest in Your Relationships (This is the one that may be the most important)

Take care of your own needs first! This is the Put-the-oxygen-mask-on-yourself first, before helping others rule. You're an adult, not a child. As a result, you call the shots. Need a nap? Take it. Want ice cream? Have some. Want to go to the movies? Enjoy. In partnership, you can ask the other person to help you meet your needs, as they can ask you for help in meeting theirs. But like you, they have their own needs and problems. They can say no. And so can and you! This is not a rejection. Instead, it's an invitation—to be self-reliant or reach out to our community (i.e., friends or family) for help. If we let one person our be our everything, they will resent it. And so will you. Healthy relationships are mutual, with room for both people’s needs.

My suggested tools of engagement:

I will keep my expectations realistic. No one can be everything I might want them to be. Healthy relationships mean accepting people as they are and not trying to change them.
I will try to communicate without ambiguity around my message.
I will seek to take the time to really be there when I am with someone (i.e. not having simultaneous other discussions on my mobile phone or computer.)
I will seek to genuinely listen. That includes not interrupting or planning what I’m going to say next. I will try to fully understand the other person’s perspective, even if I do not agree with it.
I will ask questions; Show that I am interested, through asking about their experiences, feelings, opinions, and interests.
I will share information appropriately. Studies show that sharing information helps relationships begin and strengthen. I will let people know who I am but not overwhelm with too much personal information too soon.
I will seek to be flexible. It is natural to feel uneasy about changes. I will remind myself that healthy relationships allow for change and growth.
I will be dependable. If I make plans with someone, I will follow through. If I take on a responsibility, I will seek to complete it. Healthy relationships are trustworthy.
I will fight fair. Most relationships have some conflict. It only means I / we disagree about something; it does not have to mean we don't like each other.
On sensitive topics or heated discussions, I will cool down or wait for the other person to cool down before responding, even if it means I need to temporarily exit that discussion. The conversation will be more productive if I have it when emotions are calm. Speaking under heated emotions almost always results in saying something I may regret later.
I will use “I statements.” I can share how I feel and what I want without assigning blame or motives. E.g. “When I don’t hear from you, I start to feel like I do not matter in our relationship” vs. “You never call me when you’re away. Do you even care about this relationship?”
I will seek to keep my language clear and specific. If something is upsetting me, I will try to factually describe behavior or circumstances that I am upset with, avoiding criticism and judgment. I will attack the problem, not the person.
I will focus on the matter at hand and not pile on everything that bothers me. I will avoid using “always” and “never” language in my discussions to resolve differences.
I will accept responsibility for mistakes and remember that mistakes are learning opportunities. If I never make mistakes, I’m not as likely to be learning (This is different than making the same mistake repeatedly, which suggests I’m not learning). I will apologize if I have done something wrong.
I will recognize some problems are not easily solved. Not all differences or difficulties can be resolved. People are different and our values, beliefs, habits, and personality may not always be in alignment. Communication goes a long way toward helping me understand the other person and different perspectives, but some things are deeply rooted and may not change significantly or at all.
I will seek to be affirming. Happy relationships have a ratio of 5 positive interactions or feelings for every 1 negative interaction or feeling. I will express warmth and affection!
I will seek to keep my life balanced. Other people help make my life satisfying but they cannot be my everything nor meet my every need. I have the right and obligation to find and participate in things that interest me or bring me joy. Healthy relationships have room for outside activities.
It is important for me to figure out what I can and am willing to accept, including when a relationship is no longer healthy for me.

Consider sharing these with others in your life. That’s different than asking or insisting that they utilize the same tools or follow the same behaviors. We may be surprised about how many of these tools other people adopt when it’s done on their own volition, rather than feeling like it’s being imposed. And, it communicates the foundation and rationale behind our behavior.

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*For KC CoDA purposes, articles are edited to come from an "I/me" perspective. They also may have edited content and format.

KC CoDA

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