“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
– Aristotle
NOTE- Article adapted* from https://zenhabits.net/the-habit-change-cheatsheet-29-ways-to-successfully-ingrain-a-behavior/ by Leo Babauta
Do you feel that you are able to change ingrained patterns of behavior that you have had for a long time? If not, you’re not alone! Most people feel that behaviors (as well as thoughts) are difficult to change. And they are right.
Behavior modification requires dedication, strength, and courage.
Changing my behavior requires an understanding of what is triggering me, causing my beliefs and behaviors, and leading to negative or positive consequences. Without this understanding it will be hard to change what is causing the problem.
For example, if I am having marital or relationship disagreements because of frequently participating in an activity that takes me away from home or my significant other (activating event) but cannot identify the source of the problem (i.e, being away), my beliefs around it are: “I have to work; or I want time alone, etc”, and the consequences: Getting into an argument. Remember: The activating event and beliefs may in fact be necessary and healthy and the missing piece is appropriate communication and boundary! This is where sharing with a therapist or trusted recovery partner can balance and validate (or invalidate) our beliefs.
One way to help me change my behavior is the A-B-C- Model, a form of cognitive behavior therapy which is focused on the connection between my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The A-B-C- Model includes:
Antecedents (activating event or trigger)
Behaviors/Beliefs
Consequences
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK8gshQhB_Q
The ABC model helps me identify the habits and behaviors along with their consequences, to identify those behaviors and beliefs which I want to change. Just identifying them doesn’t make the problem go away. What do I do to change them? Habits can be changed. As difficult as that may seem sometimes, it is possible. And, habit change is not that complicated. While the tips below may seem overwhelming, there’s really only a few things to remember. Everything else is just helping these to become reality, so let’s remember to keep it simple.
The simple steps of habit change:
1. Write down my plan.
2. Identify my triggers and my replacement habits.
3. Focus on doing the replacement habits every single time the triggers happen, for about 30 days.
The Habit Change Cheatsheet
The following is a compilation of tips to help you change a habit. Don’t be overwhelmed; You don’t need to utilize every one of these to be successful— always remember the simple steps above. The rest are different ways to help you become more successful in your habit change.
1. Do just one habit at a time. Extremely important. Habit change is difficult, even with just one habit. If you do more than one habit at a time, I’m setting myself up for failure. Keep it simple, allow yourself to focus, and give yourself the best chance for success. Btw, this is why New Year’s resolutions often fail — people try to tackle more than one change at a time.
2. Start small. The smaller the better, because habit change is difficult, and trying to take on too much is a recipe for disaster. Want to exercise? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Want to wake up earlier? Try just 10 minutes earlier for now. Or consider half habits.
3. Do a 30-day Challenge. It takes about 30 days to change a habit, if you’re focused and consistent. This is a round number and will vary from person to person and habit to habit. Often, you’ll read a magical “21 days” to change a habit, but this is a myth with no evidence. Seriously — try to find the evidence from a scientific study for this. A more recent study shows that 66 days is a better number. But 30 days is a good number to get you started. Your challenge: stick with a habit every day for 30 days, and share your daily progress updates with a sponsor or trusted recovery partner.
4. Write it down. Just saying you’re going to change the habit is not enough of a commitment. You need to actually write it down, on paper. Write what habit you’re going to change.
5. Make a plan. While you’re writing, also write down a plan. This will ensure you’re really prepared. The plan should include your reasons (motivations) for changing, obstacles, triggers, support buddies, and other ways you’re going to make this a success.
6. Know your motivations, and be sure they’re strong. Write them down in your plan. You have to be very clear why you’re doing this, and the benefits of doing it need to be clear in your head. If you’re just doing it for vanity, while that can be a good motivator, it’s not usually enough. We need something stronger. For example: I quit smoking for my wife and kids. I made a promise to them. I knew if I didn’t stop smoking, not only would they be without a husband and father, but they’d be more likely to smoke themselves.
7. Don’t start right away. In your plan, write down a start date. Maybe a week or two from the date you start writing out the plan. When you start right away (like today), you are not giving the plan the seriousness it deserves. When you have a “Quit Date” or “Start Date”, it gives that date an air of significance. Tell others about your quit date (or start date). Put it up on your wall or computer desktop. Make this a Big Day. It builds up anticipation and excitement, and helps you to prepare.
8. Write down all your obstacles. If you’ve tried this habit change before (odds are you have), and were not successful or it did not ‘stick,’ reflect on what stopped you from succeeding. Write down every obstacle that’s happened to you, and others that are likely to happen. Then write down how you plan to overcome them. That’s the key: write down your solution before the obstacles arrive, so you’re prepared.
9. Identify your triggers. What situations trigger your current habit? For the smoking habit, for example, triggers might include waking in the morning, having coffee, drinking alcohol, stressful meetings, going out with friends, driving, etc. Most habits have multiple triggers. Identify all of them and write them in your plan.
10. For every single trigger, identify a positive habit you’re going to do instead. When you first wake in the morning, instead of smoking, what will you do? What about when you get stressed? When you go out with friends? Some positive habits could include: exercise, meditation, deep breathing, organizing, decluttering, and more.
“Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”
– Mark Twain
11. Plan a support system. Who will you turn to when you have a strong urge? Write these people into your plan. Don’t underestimate the power of support — it’s really important.
12. Ask for help. Get your family and friends and co-workers to support you. Ask them for their help, and let them know how important this is. Find a support group in your area. When you have really strong urges or a really difficult time, call on your support network for help. Don’t smoke a cigarette, for example, without reaching out to someone. Don’t act out before calling a recovery partner.
13. Become aware of self-talk. You talk to yourself, in your head, all the time — but often we’re not aware of these thoughts. Start listening. These thoughts can derail any habit change, any goal. Often they’re negative: “I can’t do this. This is too difficult. Why am I putting myself through this? How bad is this for me anyway? I’m not strong enough. I don’t have enough discipline. I suck.” It’s important to know you’re doing this.
14. Stay positive. You will have negative thoughts — the important thing is to realize when you’re having them, and push them out of your head. Squash them like a bug! Then replace them with a positive thought. “I can do this! If Leo can do it, so can I!” :)
15. Have strategies to defeat the urge. Urges are going to come — they’re inevitable, and they’re strong. But they’re also temporary, and beatable. Urges usually last several minutes and they come in waves of varying strength. Some strategies for making it through the urge: If possible, change the immediate environment you are in (Go for a walk or do some form of exercise). Other options include: Do laundry, take a shower, deep breathing, self-massage, eat some frozen grapes, drink a glass of water, call a support buddy, post on a support forum
16. Prepare for the saboteurs. There will always be people who are negative, who try to get you to do your old habit. Be ready for them. Confront them, and be direct: you don’t need them to try to sabotage you, you need their support, and if they can’t support you then you don’t want to be around them.
17. Talk to yourself. Be your own cheerleader, give yourself pep talks, repeat your mantra (below), and don’t be afraid to seem crazy to others. We’ll see who’s crazy when you’ve changed your habit and they’re still emotionally unhealthy.
18. Have a mantra. For quitting smoking, mine was “Not One Puff Ever” (I didn’t make this up, but it worked — more on this below). When I wanted to quit my day job, it was “Liberate Yourself”. This is just a way to remind yourself of what you’re trying to do.
19. Use visualization. This is powerful. Vividly picture, in your head, successfully changing your habit. Visualize doing your new habit after each trigger, overcoming urges, and what it will look like when you’re done. This seems new-agey, but it really works.
20. Have rewards. Regular ones. You might see these as bribes, but actually they’re just positive feedback. Put these into your plan, along with the milestones at which you’ll receive them.
21. Take it one urge at a time. Often, we’re told to take it one day at a time — which is good advice — but really, it’s one urge at a time. Just make it through this urge at this hour.
22. Not One Puff Ever (in other words, no exceptions). This seems harsh, but it’s a necessity: when you’re trying to break the bonds between an old habit and a trigger, and form a new bond between the trigger and a new habit, it is in your best interest to be really consistent. You can’t do it just sometimes, or there will be no new bond, or at least it will take a really, really long time to form. So, at least for the first 30 days (and preferably 60), have no exceptions. Each time a trigger happens, engage the new habit and not the old one. If you do mess up, regroup, learn from your mistake, plan for your success, and try again.
23. Get rest. Being tired leaves us vulnerable to relapse. Get a lot of rest so you can have the energy to overcome urges.
24. Drink lots of water. Similar to the item above, being dehydrated leaves us open to failure. Stay hydrated!
25. Renew your commitment often. Remind yourself of your commitment hourly, and at the beginning and end of each day. Read your plan. Celebrate your success. Prepare yourself for obstacles and urges.
26. Set up public accountability. Blog about it, post on a forum, email your commitment and daily progress to friend and family, post a chart up at your office, write a column for your local newspaper. When we make it public — not just the commitment but the progress updates — we don’t want to fail.
27. Engineer it so it’s hard to fail. Create a groove that’s harder to get out of than to stay in: increase positive feedback for sticking with the habit, and increase negative feedback for not doing the habit.
28. Avoid some situations where you normally do your old habit, at least for a while, to make it a bit easier on yourself. If you normally drink when you go out with friends, consider not going out for a little while. If you normally go outside your office with co-workers to smoke, avoid going out with them. This applies to any bad habit — whether it be eating junk food, numbing with sex, drugs or alcohol, there are some situations you can avoid that are especially difficult for someone trying to change a bad habit. Realize, though, that when you go back to those situations, you will still get the old urges, and when that happens you should be prepared.
29. If you fail, figure out what went wrong, plan for it, and try again. Don’t let failure and guilt stop you. They’re just obstacles, but they can be overcome. In fact, if you learn from each failure, they become stepping stones to your success. Regroup. Let go of guilt. Learn. Plan. And get back on that horse.
“Your net worth to the world is usually determined by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted from your good ones.”
– Benjamin Franklin
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*For KC CoDA purposes, articles are edited to come from an "I/me" perspective. They also may have edited content and format.