20 Tough Truths About Life

No one wants to admit these right now.

NOTE- Article adapted* from https://www.marcandangel.com/2021/01/27/20-tough-truths-about-life-no-one-wants-to-admit/ by Marc Chernoff

We all struggle.  We all suffer on the inside.  Every day…

• We worry.
• We procrastinate.
• We feel overwhelmed.
• We feel angry.
• We feel lonely.
• We don’t feel good enough.
• We wish we were more fit.
• We wish we had more money.
• We wish our jobs were different.
• We wish our relationships were different.
• We think post-COVID life should be ‘back to normal’ again.

The struggle part of every one of these statements is self-created.  They are real, but they are only real because I have made them real in my mind.  I have attached myself to certain ideals and fantasies about how life has to be right now in order to be good enough for me. Perhaps I have chosen those ideals because someone or something else tells me that’s how it’s supposed to be. 

I worry because things might not turn out how I (they?) expect.  Maybe I procrastinate because I fear discomfort or failure.  I feel overwhelmed because I think I should be further along than I am.  I may feel angry because life should not be this way.  And so, it goes. 

It may be in my best interest to consider how much of this is just in my head. And it doesn’t have to be this way.  I can think better… I can live better.  This is a choice I can make. I can take a deep breath right now and let all that thinking and ruminating go.  I can bring my attention to the present moment.  I can focus on what’s here now – the light, the sounds, my body, the ground under my feet, the objects or people or pets moving and resting around me.  I do not need to judge these under a lens of what they should be or what I want them to be. I can just accept what they are. Once I do that, I can begin to decide which ONE thing at a time I will chose to improve on. 

But before I decide on that one thing to work on, this may also be an opportune time to remind myself of some key truths that we all tend to deny when we’re stuck too deep in our own heads…

1. There’s a lot about our lives we absolutely can’t control but – I can control how I respond.  In my response lies my greatest power.
2. Expectations often make us utterly unhappy. – Happiness is letting go of what I (or others) assume my life is supposed to be like right now and sincerely appreciating life for everything that it is.
3. We will always be incredibly imperfect. – If I wait until I’m “perfect” before I share my stories, ideas, talents, and gifts with the world, no one will ever hear or learn or benefit from me.
4. A moment spent worrying is a moment wasted.  Worrying will never change the outcome.  – I can do more when I worry less. I can train my mind to see the lesson in every situation, and then strive to make the best of it.
5. The best lessons often come from the hardest days. – I will remind myself to stand strong on those days.  Sometimes I may have to experience a low point in life to learn a good lesson I may not have learned any other way. 
6. Success easily gets to our heads, and failure easily gets to our hearts. – My character is revealed during my highs and lows.  I will remember to be humble at the mountaintops.  I will be steadfast in the valleys.  I will be faithful in between.
7. We confuse being busy with being productive. – What I pay attention to grows.  So, I will remember to focus on what truly matters and let go of what does not.
8. More money left unmanaged just creates more problems. – Perhaps I need more money to live.  I will continue to strive to earn it, save it and invest it.  I will avoid spending money I do not have to buy things I do not need, to impress people I may not even know.  
9. Most of us don’t need more to be happy, we need less. – When things aren’t adding up in my life, are there things I should be subtracting?  Life gets a lot simpler when I clear the clutter (mental and physical) that makes it complicated.
10. Our fancy gadgets often get in our way and dehumanize us. – Might it be in my best interest to connect with being a little more electronically disconnected? I will strive to make more eye contact.  I will hide less behind gadgets.  I will consciously smile more.  I will remember to ask others about their stories.  I will listen more.
11. As a society, we are utterly infatuated with outer beauty. – If the whole world suddenly went blind, how many would still be able to see my true beauty?  Our inside beauty far outlasts any outside beauty.  I will also remind myself to see the inner beauty in others.
12. Many, if not most of the arguments we have are pointless. – I will be more selective in my battles.  Oftentimes peace is better than being right.  I do not need to attend every argument I’m invited to.
13. We default to judging others by their actions and ourselves by our ideals. – I will strive to be the type of person I want to meet and be around.  I will the type of person whose actions, words, and values are all aligned.
14. We don’t always get what we give. – Sometimes, I will end up sadly disappointed and people may not do for me as I do for them.  Not everyone has the same heart.
15. None of us know anyone worth continually blaming. – I will reclaim my power. I can free myself to step forward on my own two legs.  The best part of my life starts and continues when I decide my life is my own, with no one to endlessly lean on, rely on, or blame. Once I am solidly on that footing, I can elect to develop equal, sharing relationships, if I choose. 
16. It’s easier to hold on to the way things are, than it is to let go and grow. – Letting go and moving forward means coming to the realization that some things, while a part of my history, are not necessarily a part of my destiny.
17. If we want the benefits of something in life, we have to also want the costs.  Many people dream of the rewards without the risks.  The triumph without the trials. – Am I one of them?  Life doesn’t work that way.  When I find something I want, I’ll start asking myself: Why do I want that and if necessary, what am I willing to give up to get it?
18. Even with all our advancements, progress still requires old-fashioned work. – In a culture that seeks quick and easy results, it is in my best interest to learn the beauty of effort, patience, and perseverance.  I will strive to be strong, be present and to build positive daily rituals that help me get and stay there.
19. We never feel 100% ready when good opportunities arise.  Most great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually.  They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.  And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready. – I will remember that it’s healthy for me to stretch my comfort zones when there is opportunity for my growth. 
20. Many of us will have our lives cut short.  One way or another, none of us live forever. – It is much harder to change the length of my life than it is to change the depth of it. I will remind myself that how I spend my day today, is how I am spending my life. 

Closing Thoughts

Life is tough sometimes.  There’s so much I simply can’t control. I won’t let what is out of my control interfere with everything I can still control.  I can remember to be mindful.  I can remember to be present.  I can focus on the small steps that I CAN take today, and take them!  No regrets.  No looking back.

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*For KC CoDA purposes, articles are edited to come from an "I/me" perspective. They also may have edited content and format.