20 Things for Me to Consider About My Life
NOTE- Article adapted* from https://www.marcandangel.com/2021/11/01/20-things-that-will-matter-a-lot-less-to-you-in-20-years/ by Marc Chernoff
Too often I let the little frustrations of each day blind me to the beauty in front of me. I get caught up in my head because of the things that aren’t going my way. Maybe I call people to complain or spew out gripes on social media. “Life is so unfair!”. And everyone agrees or throws their own two cents into the gossip pool.
Other times, maybe I talk a big talk about a lot of stuff that really doesn’t matter much. I know I have been guilty of scrutinizing or dramatizing the insignificant at times, and soon afterwards scratch my head in bewilderment, realizing how unfulfilling that felt.
But I’m (slowly) finding that the more actively engaged I am in my life, the quieter I become and the less pointless drama and chaos I engage in. Life humbles me gradually as I become more of an active participant in it and realize how easy it can be to waste time on nonsense when I’m not engaged.
Here are some examples of things I’ve blown mental and physical energy on, that I’m realizing matter a lot less than I may have originally thought (I still need reminders):
- The inevitable frustrations of an average day. Most of what’s stressing me out today won’t matter a month from now. Sooner or later, I (hope) I will realize this faster. It is in my best interest to let go of the nonsense, stay positive and move forward with life.
- The little failures I often feel self-conscious about. It’s good to remind myself that when I set goals and take calculated risks, there will be times when I succeed and there will be times when I fail, and both are equally important and nourishing to my growth in the long run.
- How “perfect” everything could be, or should be. Understanding the difference between reasonable striving versus perfectionism is important. Perfectionism not only causes me unnecessary stress and anxiety (from the superficial need to always “get it right”) but can also prevent me from getting anything worthwhile done at all.
- Having complete confidence before taking the first step. Confidence is that inner inertia that propels me to bypass my empty fears and self-doubts. I am coming to realize that I rarely have confidence when beginning anything anew, but as I move forward and tap into my inner and outer resources, my confidence gradually builds. I have to step out of my comfort zone and risk my pride, to earn the reward of finding my confidence.
- The intricacies of what’s in it for me. Time is teaching me that I keep nothing in this life until I first give it away. This is true of knowledge, forgiveness, service, love, tolerance, acceptance, and so forth. I have to give it to receive it. It’s the giving that opens me up to receiving grace.
- Being an online-only or ‘silent’ activist for good causes. Online is fine, but sooner or later I realize that if I truly want to make a difference, I have to walk the talk too. I can love myself, my family and also be a good neighbor, even to those who aren’t necessarily in my immediate neighborhood. I can practice kindness, build bridges and show respect, even when I am not necessarily in agreement with a different viewpoint.
- The pressures of making a big difference all at once. I sometimes still think that faster is better, but more often than not, I witness the power of ‘slow and steady’ at work. And that no act of love, kindness or generosity, no matter how small, is ever wasted. I am reminded that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower; I can share a bit of knowledge and it adds to another’s wisdom; I can smile at someone and brighten their day, which may influence their next interaction; I can make a meaningful difference in life and business through small actions, even though the results can’t be realized all at once.
- Spiritual Connection and the temptation of quick fixes. The more experiences I live through, the more clearly I can begin to see through the smoke and mirrors of a quick fix. Anything worth achieving takes dedicated daily effort. At one point, I believed that making wishes and saying prayers alone could change things. Later, during some really difficult times for me, I believed that wishes and prayers from me didn’t matter, because I didn’t matter. I’m coming to see that wishes and prayers do matter and do change things, but it still takes me being an active participant to change those things. When it comes to making a substantial change in my life, whether building a business, earning a degree, fostering a new relationship, starting a family, progressing in my recovery program, becoming more mindful, or any other personal journey that takes time and commitment – one thing to remember to ask myself is, “Am I willing to spend a little time every day like many people won’t, so I can spend the better part of my life like many people can’t?” I ultimately become what I repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge alone doesn’t mean I’m growing; Growing happens when what I learn changes how I live on a daily basis.
- Having a calendar jam-packed with exciting, elaborate plans. It’s in my best interest to avoid filling every waking hour with detailed plans. I can leave space. I am learning that many great things happen unplanned, and some big regrets happen by not reaching exactly what I had overly planned. I can keep my life ordered and my schedule under-booked. I can create a foundation with a soft place to land, a wide margin of error, and room to think and breathe.
- Being in constant control of everything. The more I experience life, the more I realize how little I actually control. And there’s no good reason to bring myself down about those things I can’t control. I can learn to trust the journey, even when I do not understand it. Sometimes, I’ll even find that what I never wanted or expected turns out to be what I needed.
- Blaming others. I have never met a happy person who regularly evades responsibility, blames and points fingers and makes excuses for their unsatisfying life. The embarrassing part is that at times, I can be guilty of those very things. Happy people accept responsibility for how their lives unfold. I am learning that my own happiness is a byproduct of my own thinking, beliefs, attitudes, character and behavior. And although it takes time to fully grasp this, it’s a lesson that’s been worth learning and one that I continue to learn.
- Winning everyone’s approval. It’s the strength of my conviction that determines my level of personal success in the long run, not the number of people who agree with every little thing I do. Ultimately, I will know that I’ve made the right decisions and followed the proper path when there is genuine peace in my heart.
- The idea of saving certain people from themselves. I can’t save people from themselves, so it’s in my best interest not to get sucked into their drama. Those who make perpetual chaos of their lives or want “poor baby” sympathy, don’t want to change; They don’t want to solve their problems, resolve their emotional addictions and distractions or clean up their own messes. And it’s not my job to do it for them. Everyone, at some point in their lives, needs a hand getting back on their feet. That’s okay and I want to be there to extend that hand, much like it’s been extended to me. And, they too have a responsibility to get back on their feet, and then hopefully extend their own hand to another person in need.
- The selfish and disparaging things others say and do. If I take everything personally, I will find myself offended for the rest of my life. Once I begin to realize that the way people treat me is a reflection of their problems and how I react is mine, I begin to realize an amazing freedom that comes from detaching from other people’s antics.
- Winning arguments. Not much is worth fighting about for long. If I can avoid a fight, it’s typically in my best interest to do so. Life is not a debate class. My intelligence and self-worth are not defined by the number of arguments I’ve won but more by the number of times I have silently told myself, “This nonsense is just not worth a fight!”
- Judging others for their shortcomings. We all have days when we’re not our best. And I’ve come to realize how important it is to give others the break I hope the world will give me on my own bad days. I often do not truly know what someone has been through in their life, or what they’re going through today. I can however, try to be kind, generous and respectful…not judging… and then be on my way.
- Society’s obsession with outer beauty. As I walk through diverse and meaningful life experiences, I come to realize that beauty has almost nothing to do with looks – Rather, it’s who I am as a human being, how I make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how I feel about myself.
- Fancy and expensive physical possessions. As I have more of those life experiences, my personal wish list for ‘big ticket’ physical possessions seems to get smaller and smaller, because I’ve found that despite having obtained some of those things, it didn’t actually bring me true peace and happiness. The things I really want and need are more often the little things that can’t be bought.
- Shallow relationships. It’s nice to have acquaintances and for me to be friendly. I just don’t want to spread myself too thin or spend precious time pretending to be someone I am not, just for the acceptance of others. I want to leave time for those who matter most and who I can be myself with. Those are the people who help me smile for all the right reasons.
- Distant future possibilities. As time passes, I realize that I have more of it behind me and less of it in front of me. The distant future then, gradually has less value to me personally. But that doesn’t really matter, because the good life always begins right now, when I stop waiting for a better one. Some people wait all day for 5pm, all week for Friday, all year for the holidays, all their lives for happiness. I don’t want to be one of them. No matter where I am in life, I can realize how good it can be right now. Perhaps one of the secrets to happiness and peace is letting this moment be what it is, instead of what I think it should be, and then making the very best of it.
Bottom Line
As I continue to travel the road of life, I will never be perfect. I can however, consciously strive to do my best to avoid letting anyone or anything get in the way of my joy. I can try to live a life that is fulfilling and makes me laugh out loud. I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow even, and realize that my life was a collection of trying to align to how someone else thinks I should be, not to mention meetings and “somedays” and errands and empty relationships and promises. I want to live fully today and show my higher Power that s/he gave life to someone who loves and cherishes the gift…
Your turn…
Which point mentioned above resonates with you the most today, and why?
‘Refrigerator’ Reminders
- Think deeply.
- Speak gently.
- Love lots.
- Laugh often.
- Work hard.
- Give back.
- Expect less.
- Be present.
- Be kind.
- Be honest.
- Be true to yourself.
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*For KC CoDA purposes, articles are edited to come from an "I/me" perspective. They also may have edited content and format.